Comic books make it seem like everyone who is born a mutant or gets hit with cosmic rays gets a wonderful superpower. However, you have to assume that for every guy with awesome spider powers, there are 10 who are not so film-worthy. Here are some of the less appealing powers that might be floating around out there.
11. Superspeed… in bed
10. Anything involving bodily fluids
9. The ability to make “That’s What She Said” jokes in any situation
8. Your toenail clippings taste like bacon
7. Prehensile armpit hair
6. Teleportation, but only to the closest Waffle House
5. Can change your shape to look like any of the Three Stooges, including Shemp
4. Beloved by all pigeons
3. Can understand and explain X-Men continuity
2. Super-Karaoke
1. Can communicate with Phish
