“Machete Kills” Movie Review

Machete gets all the gals…

If you haven’t seen Machete, see it, and then go see Machete Kills. If you’ve seen the first one and loved it, go see this one. If you didn’t like the first one: What’s wrong with you?!

Machete is recruited by the President of the U.S. (Charlie Sheen, credited as Carlos Estevez) to stop a crazy man with a bomb pointed at Washington D.C. Machete returns to Mexico to find and stop this madman, but in the process discovers that the well runs deeper, and there’s actually a huge conspiracy threatening the entire world.

Saying anymore than that wouldn’t be fun for you, so you’ll have to trust me that the story is huge, and well worth the watch.

Danny Trejo’s Machete is slightly updated this time around (“Machete don’t tweet”) but still just as bad ass as ever. He’s the good guy, the manly man, the seemingly-indestructible Machete, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. Sheen/Estevez as the President made me chuckle, because really, Charlie Sheen as the President? Hah! But in a movie this crazy and weird, it absolutely works, and his performance is fantastic. Mel Gibson as an out-and-out villain was impressive, and didn’t seem like too much of a reach for him, personally, but it was fun to see his craziness make sense for once! Demián Bichir as the schizo madman had me crying, I was laughing so hard. His gleeful reactions to Machete’s action-packed moves was hysterical! It was one of the better comedic relief roles I’ve seen recently, and, I think, perfectly executed. Sofia Vergara as the gun-bra-totin’ Madame was one of the best performances I’ve seen in years. She was equal parts sadistic, psychotic, and funny. Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Vanessa Hudgens, Tom Savini, William Sadler…I could go on, but suffice it to say that all the actors were great.

Machete Kills is, somehow, even more Machete than the first one. From minute one, it’s funnier, more action-packed, and more bloody than Machete. There’s not really much more to say, so just GO SEE IT! (And make sure to stay through the credits!)

For the guns, the guts, and the glory, I give Machete Kills…

9.5 out of 11!

About Machete Kills:

Synopsis: The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.

Directors: Robert Rodriguez

Writers: Kyle Ward (screenplay), Robert Rodriguez & Marcel Rodriguez (story)

Stars: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Alexa Vega, Mel Gibson

Rated: R

Runtime: 107 min

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As an avid Jill-Of-All-Trades, I dabble in many things, but I've always been passionate about writing and photography. I read like a fiend, all sorts of genres and authors, and I hope someday to write my own novels. I've been taking pictures since I was little, and I strive to improve my skills everytime I pick up a camera. I love all kinds of movies, from those terrible-yet-hilarious B movies to the latest superhero blockbusters. I play video games, roleplaying games, even Magic: The Gathering (much to the chagrin of my wallet, at times), because I adore delving into these other, amazing, created worlds. Check out all my interests and projects, or get in touch with me, on my Facebook page at: Http://www.facebook.com/SamanthaCantrellAZ

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