Top 11 Cyborg Enhancements For The Rest Of Us

Cyborgs are always portrayed in pop culture as unstoppable killing machines, brimming with deadly weapons and wicked-looking enhancements. I am already an unstoppable killing machine, so when cybernetic enhancements become available, I’m looking more for comfort and convenience.

11. Turbo kidneys to clean alcohol from the blood stream

This wouldn't have happened if you were a cyborg.
This wouldn’t have happened if you were a cyborg.

10. Sleep mode to save precious sanity when attacked by facehuggers who want to talk to you endlessly

9. Cast iron stomach and a Teflon ass, for surviving my attempts at bachelor cooking

8. Multiple pupils so you can stare at the hot waitress while still looking deeply into your date’s eyes


Your girlfriend wouldn't have dumped you for looking at me, if you were a cyborg.
Your girlfriend wouldn’t have dumped you for looking at me, if you were a cyborg.

7. GPS to find your keys

6. Photosynthetic skin, so I can eat without growing to the grocery store. Plus, Green is the new Black

5. Contracting ears, so my iPod earbuds will stop falling out

4. Cupholder

3. Passive sonar that will detect when someone is sneaking up behind you

2. Thermal unit in your palm that can cool or heat drinks

1. Automatic follicle adaptation, for the perfect shave

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