Top 11 Future Animal-based Superheroes

August 2, 2013

Who wouldn't want to be saved by an adorable, fluffy seal? — Who wouldn’t want to be saved by an adorable, fluffy seal?

The Wolverine hit theaters last weekend, and we saw the prototype for Rocket Raccoon at SDCC two weeks ago. Clearly, Marvel is betting big on animal-themed characters. If they ever run out of ideas, here are 11 that would make excellent franchises.

11. The Sloth – He fights villainy with his power to hang from branches, and when he gets attacked, he falls asleep

10. Platypus – When he confronts criminals, they are normally too busy laughing at him to run away. If they don’t, he pokes them with his pointy beak

9. Red Herring – He has the power of misdirection, and can last for years when pickled in brine

8. Manatee – I won’t make the “Hugh Manatee” pun, because it has been done better elsewhere. I will say that his power to fool sailors into thinking he is a mermaid is really only effective against Aquaman

Donkey PUNCH! Wait... no... that doesn't sound right... — Donkey PUNCH! Wait… no… that doesn’t sound right…

7. Jack Ass – He has a devastating kick, but when he uses it, he complains about how it scuffed his $300 shoes

6. Shrew – She has the power to nag you into doing something, and make you feel bad by comparing you to other people’s kids.

5. Guinea Pig – Has unpredictable powers given to him by years of being the subject of scientific testing

4. Public Anenome – He really can’t move very quickly from his home in the fountain in front of city hall, but if any criminals happen to wander near him, he can sting them and consume them

3. SuperSeal – He can swim very quickly, balance criminals on his nose, and play a tune on horns. Plus, totally adorable

2. The Amazing Anteater – He can beat you with his prehensile snout, and can summon small items from across the room by inhaling. Kicked out of the Avengers at the request of Hank Pym

1. Oyster – Not the fastest hero in the League, but if he catches you in his shell, he will turn you into a pearl

While doing research for this list, I discovered that about half of my first round silly animal picks were already used. I compiled eleven of them into a bonus list, which can be viewed right here