Top 11 New Years Resolutions

11. Superman will finally finish reading Atlas Shrugged.

10. Promise to learn proper English grammar, Yoda does.

9. This is the year when Bane will finaly get to perform his juggling act on America’s Got Talent.

8. Hulk will finally seek help for his shwarma addiction.

7. Dan Didio will improve DC Comics employee diversity hire numbers by firing and rehiring every female on staff.

6. Walt Disney, from his frozen tomb below the Hall of Presidents, vows to acquire every creative property not already owned by Disney.

5. Pinky & the Brain resolve to create more achievable goals, and will now concentrate on conquering Australia.

4. Bruce Wayne promises to finally produce his one man show, “Cowardly and Superstitious Lot”.

3. Aquaman will spend more time swimming in highly polluted or radioactive waters, in hopes of gaining a real superpower.

2. Bilbo Baggins resolves to stop answering the door when he isn’t expecting guests.