By now, everyone knows that Disney acquired LucasFilms this week, and everyone has already heard every Star Wars/Mickey Mouse joke that I might have thought of.  But did you know that LucasFilms was just one part of Disney’s ambitious plans?

 

11. NASA – Little known fact: on his deathbed, Walt made his heirs promise that they would someday establish a Disneyland on Pluto.

 

10. NFL – Think of how much fun the new helmets will be when they have Mickey ears attached.

 

9. Saturdays – An entire day dedicated to nothing but going to their theme parks and watching their specials, as mandated by law.

 

8. Microsoft – Now pronounced “Mick-ro-soft”.

 

7. CNN – Only good news will be broadcast.  “America has donated unsolicited explosive technology to the Mid East from a high altitude, helping them with their overpopulation problem and creating new jobs in the construction industry!”

 

6. Montana – They need a lot of wide open space to start building their Dea.., er… Happiness Star.

 

5. US Supreme Court – This is a necessary acquisition to ward off future monopoly lawsuits, for when they acquire all known media.

 

4. A nuclear arsenal – Only to be used as a DVD piracy deterrent, of course.

 

3. The Anti-Christ – the Apocalypse is still scheduled for December, but at least we’ll go out with a song.

 

2. The letter M – McDonalds didn’t want to sell until Disney acquired item #4.

 

1. Negativsteve – Disney has even managed to purchase your incorruptible author, who urges you to see Wreck It Ralph, in theaters everywhere.

 

 

Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr: http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/

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