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The council of Cardinals held their conclave in the Vatican this week, to select a new pope.  Here are a few candidates who were not deemed to be High Pontiff material…

 

11. Shepherd Book – The Council of Cardinals have indicated that they would not be opposed to an American Pope, but a Pope from outer space is still a hard sell. Plus, he’s dead.
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10. Daimon Hellstrom – He was not rejected because he is the Son of Satan, but rather for his outspoken views on birth control
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9. John Constantine – They were willing to overlook the black magic and consorting with demons and whatnot, but the deal-killer happened when the Vatican went non-smoking.
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8. Darth Vader – Vader told the council that he wasn’t interested, and that he found their lack of faith disturbing.
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7. Howard the Duck – Trapped in a theology he never made.  Still, Howard the Pope does have a nice ring to it.
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6. Rory Williams – The Church still has a few questions for Rory regarding his time as a Roman centurion, when he was stationed in Golgotha.
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5. Batman – The good news: No sex scandals involving children. The bad news: Fatality rate of children in his care is a bit high.
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4. Jesse Custer – He may have been a preacher at one point, but he does commit pretty much every sin known to man, up to and including deicide.
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3. Black Manta – Manta would make an excellent Pope, but it would cost too much to alter the miter to fit over his helmet.
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2. Boromir – One does not simply walk into the papacy.
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1. Jean Gray – Her constant cycle of dying and coming back to life could confuse the faithful.
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Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr: http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/

 

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