10. I am thankful that Captain Kirk lives in the future, so he can’t get at our wives and daughters.
9. I am thankful that George Lucas hasn’t digitally enhanced my live with new footage, or retconned me to shoot last.
8. I am thankful that my city hasn’t gotten so decrepit that building a RoboCop seems like a good idea.
7. I am thankful that I wasn’t raised by Alfred the butler, because that guy is no fun at all.
6. I am thankful that we don’t live in the zombie apocalypse, because pizza delivery in my area is already slow enough.
5. I am thankful that aliens all work on a Christian timetable, so we don’t have to worry about the Doctor disrupting Hannukah.
4. I am thankful for Dr Walter Bishop, who proves that you can still routinely save the world after decades of heavy drug abuse.
3. I am thankful for Gandalf, for leading hobbits and dwarves on quests that keep them out of my kitchen.
2. I am thankful for the Hulk, because sometimes puny humans just need to be smashed.
1. I am thankful for Namor the Submariner, for showing us that not everyone from Atlantis is a whiny loser.
Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr: http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/
