I was inspired to try something different this week. Instead ofranking 11 of my favorite 80’s horror films, which would be like choosing a favorite from between my eleven imaginary children, I just decided to write haiku.

11. Jason Voorhees would

Crystal Lake Daycare: Employee of the Month
Crystal Lake Daycare: Employee of the Month

Like you to send your children
To Camp Crystal Lake

10. I did not see CHUD
But I did watch the sequel
CHUD 2: Bud the CHUD

9. Space, Vegas, the hood…
Where won’t Leprechaun go to?
Phoenix, probably

8. Freddy Krueger’s glove
Was not nearly as scary
As his gross sweater

7. I never voted

Voted for himself
Voted for himself

To make author Stephen King
The king of horror

6. Of 80’s horror
Return of the Living Dead
Has the best soundtrack

5. Reanimator
Was the best motion picture
Based on Lovecraft’s works

4. Mogwai make bad pets
They will mess up your blender
Do not get them wet

3. The Twilight Zone film
Only killed two small children
Something’s on the wing

2. Halloween was great
The first sequel wasn’t bad
The third film sucked ass

1. You will be cut up

Definitely some drugs goin' on here...
Definitely some drugs goin’ on here…

If you drink, f&@#, or do drugs
That’s the 80’s way

 

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