I went in for outpatient surgery on Monday; I had to go to the 12th surgeon on my list, because apparently, the first 11 don’t actually exist…
11. Shaman from Alpha Flight – I don’t normally accept alternative medicine as real, but since he is Canadian, the entire procedure is free under their socialist health care system.
10. Dr Leonard McCoy – Damnit, Steve, I’m a doctor, not a… oh, right, you actually DO need a doctor.
9. Dr Demento – Because laughter is the best medicine.
8. Dr Buckaroo Banzai – Not only could he perform my surgery, but he would also give my car a tune-up, and write a song about my gall bladder.
7. Dr Donald Blake – What do you need that hammer for, doc?
6. The Doctor – Not actually a doctor, he got his degree from some Timelord diploma mill.
5. Dr Midnite – Fantastic, my doctor is blind, and can someone get that damned owl out of the operating room!
4. Dr Destroyer – The main villain in the Champions RPG. Â He probably could fix me quickly and with no pain, but he’s way out of my point range.
3. The Crime Doctor – This is the guy who patches up all of the villains in Gotham. Â When I get shot robbing a bank to pay for my previous surgery, he will be the one I go to.
2. Dr Manhattan – “I’m sorry, your surgery has been delayed, the Doctor is on Mars for a while”.
1. Dr Doom – Doom is not actually a medical doctor, but when Doom commands you to get better, you listen to him. Â Even viruses fear Doom.
Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr:Â http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/
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