Top 11 Signs Your Favorite Killer is Aging

 

The heyday of the slasher flick was over 25 years ago, and the serial killers that populated them haven’t had a very good time of it…

11. Jason Voorhees has to decide if he wants to send HIS kid to summer camp.

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10. That Texas cannibal family has converted to running their chainsaws on ethanol, because it is better for the environment.
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9. Freddy Krueger still invades your dreams, but now he wants to sell you life insurance.
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8. Michael Meyers only slays kids that wander onto his lawn.
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7. You now have to say Candyman’s name six times to summon him, because he is hard of hearing.
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6. The Hills Have Eyes, but they need Lasik.
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5. The Leprechaun now has all of his gold invested in mutual funds.
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4. I know what you did last summer, but no one listens to me since my ungrateful children put me in a nursing home.
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3. Chucky has exchanged his trademark overalls for a nice track suit.
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2. The only Scream appearing in the next movie is “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!”.
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1. Hannibal Lechter no longer eats kidneys with fava beans and a nice chiante, because they make him gassy.
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Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr: http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/
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