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The holiday season is upon us once again; let’s take time out from our busy schedule of waiting in lines and complaining about crappy Christmas music to examine holiday traditions from across the universe…

 

11. On Bizarro World,  Santa lives at the molten center of the earth, and comes up through the basement to steal coal from all the good boys and girls.

 

10. Every Hanukkah, all the kids on Krypton gather around to play the traditional game of Dreid-El.

 

9. There are no presents in Latveria, because not even Santa dares defy the will of Doom.

 

8. In Asgard, they celebrate the winter by eating, drinking, and beating each other up.  (Note: It is always winter in Asgard).

 

7. Every year, on Christmas Eve, Tony Stark likes to get loaded, put on the red armor with the white trim, and fly around town throwing toys at people.

 

6. Every Christmas, the people of London prepare for the traditional alien invasion and inevitable salvation by the Doctor.

 

5. On Kashykk, the wookie planet, the inhabitants make up horrible nicknames for family members every Life Day.

 

4. Hobbits celebrate Second Christmas, a time of feasting that starts on December 26 and lasts through December 24.

 

3. On Star Trek Voyager, it was tradition to gather in the mess hall on Christmas Eve and complain about Neelix’s fruit cake.

 

2. SantaBot, KwanzaaBot, and HanukkahBot have been well documented on Futurama, but Fox TV censors have removed the scene showing their annual cannibalization of PaganHarvestCelebrationBot for spare parts.

 

1. Vulcans do not celebrate Christmas.  Holidays are illogical.  The only one they recognize is Pon Farr, that funky mass orgy they have every 7 years.  Vulcans are weird.

 

Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr: http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/

 

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