With the announcement that JJ Abrams will be directing the highly anticipated Star Wars VII, he has a nearly complete collection of genre properties. With the announcement that he will be producing films in association with Valve games, that collection is now complete. Now that JJ owns all of science fiction, he can start mixing and matching his toys…
11. In Mission Impossible 5, when Tom Cruise drops a gadget from a great height, he can retrieve it by using The Force.
10. The portal gun – An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.
9. My Breakfast with Yoda, a 3 hour film that shows Mr Spock and Yoda discussing philosophy at a Chineserestaurant, is a flop at the theaters, but makes it money back as a sleep aid.
8. Fans lose interest in the proposed Felicity reboot when they learn that Chewbacca cut his hair.
7. Luke and R2D2 crash-land their X-Wing on a strange desert island, and must learn the ways of the Jedi from an immortal named Jacob while avoiding the dreaded Sith Smoke Monster.
6. A clean up crew discovers found footage of what happens after The Fringe Division is called in to stop a giant, potato-headed monster that starts rampaging through New York City.
5. Sydney Bristow is an international spy recruited out of Star Fleet Academy and trained for undercover work and espionage.
4. During the summer of 1979, a group of friends witness a train crash and investigate subsequent unexplained events in their small town, only to discover a Rebel base preparing for an assault on the Empire.
3. Jabba the Mudd attempts to trick the crew of the Enterprise into accepting three cloned Slave Leias.
2. Data/C3PO slash fiction. C’mon, you were all thinking it.
1. Han shot first, but it’s ok, he had his phaser set to “Stun”.
Follow more of NegativSteve’s rants on his Tumblr:Â http://stevehatesaquaman.tumblr.com/
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