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I just finished reading “Silver Screen Fiend” by Patton Oswalt, which details the lessons that he learned from years of being a movie junkie. Well, I’ve seen a lot of movies, too, and here are some of the lessons that I have learned…

 

11. Pulp Fiction – Never hide anything in your ass.

 

10. Star Wars – Family may betray you, but your navigator is loyal forever, even if he doesn’t get a medal.

 

9. Wrath of Khan – Follow all appropriate safety precautions before handling anti-matter.

 

8. Buckaroo Banzai – You will never learn what the watermelon is for, so don’t even ask.

 

7. Escape from New York – If you run into someone that you thought was dead, keep your mouth shut.

 

6. Nightmare on Elm Street – Meth, not even once…. unless your dreams are haunted by the son of a thousand maniacs.

 

5. The Lord of the Rings trilogy – Buying a segueway doesn’t seem so ridiculous anymore/

 

4. They Live – Right wing politics and mullets never go out of style.

 

3. King Kong – If you must fall in love, do not fall for someone beautiful. No one ever accused ugly of killing the beast.

 

2. The James Bond films – Drinking and womanizing are ok if you do it in a tux.

 

1. Field of Dreams – Baseball and necromancy go hand-in-hand.