Another new year is upon us. Traditionally, this is time of introspection, where people make resolutions to cut back on bad habits or become better people. Unfortunately, I cannot participate, because I am already perfect, but here are 11 characters from pop culture with some big plans for 2014
11. Wolverine – Learn to brew moonshine. “Distilling is my business, and business is good”
10. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- Replace pizza with something that contains fewer carbs and gluten. No one wants a tubby ninja
9. Doctor Who – Use sonic screwdriver on some screws, just to see what happens
8. Hulk – Subscribe to GQ and expand his wardrobe
7. J’Onn J’Onnz – Diversify into duck hunting
6. Pinky & the Brain – The same resolution they make every year – try to take over the world
5. Sabertooth – Regular flossing
4. Batman – Try to smile more often. Why so serious?
3. Bilbo Baggins – Less cardio, more weight-training
2. Mario the Plumber – Finally complete those last 4 units to get his engineering degree
1. Walt Disney – Find the perfect body for his frozen head, so that he can finally return and take control of his company again
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