Top 11 New Years Resolutions

Colourful 2014 in fiery sparklers

Another new year is upon us. Traditionally, this is time of introspection, where people make resolutions to cut back on bad habits or become better people. Unfortunately, I cannot participate, because I am already perfect, but here are 11 characters from pop culture with some big plans for 2014

11. Wolverine – Learn to brew moonshine. “Distilling is my business, and business is good”

10. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- Replace pizza with something that contains fewer carbs and gluten. No one wants a tubby ninja

9. Doctor Who – Use sonic screwdriver on some screws, just to see what happens

8. Hulk – Subscribe to GQ and expand his wardrobe

The Martian Duckhunter
The Martian Duckhunter

7. J’Onn J’Onnz – Diversify into duck hunting

6. Pinky & the Brain – The same resolution they make every year – try to take over the world

5. Sabertooth – Regular flossing

4. Batman – Try to smile more often. Why so serious?

3. Bilbo Baggins – Less cardio, more weight-training

Look, we know you missed second breakfast, but maybe it’s for the best…

2. Mario the Plumber – Finally complete those last 4 units to get his engineering degree

1. Walt Disney – Find the perfect body for his frozen head, so that he can finally return and take control of his company again

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