Most people don’t need instructions on how to be a dick at a convention; they take cuts in line, block vendors from potential customers, and harass the costumers. But if you want to get noticed as a superdick, here are 11 methods you can try. Just don’t come crying to me if you get sliced in two by a light saber:

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Obviously a little more than just “metabolically challenged”

11. Build a mock balcony, dress up as Statler & Waldorf from the Muppet Show, and mock passers-by

10. Protest the use of the word “Zombie” as insensitive; demand substitution of the term “Metabolically challenged”

9. Sacrifice a virgin to the Dark Lord of your choice. This is the best selection of virgins that you will ever find

8. Kidnap someone in a Spider-Man costume, then replace them as a Superior cosplayer

7. Demand free stuff from every vendor or you will blog nasty things about them (Look forward to my Bottom 11 PhxCC Vendors list next week!)

6. Put on a Godzilla costume and stomp on one of the Japanese maid cafes

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5. Dump pig’s blood on the Geek Prom Queen

4. Don’t shower, tell people that you’re the Swamp Thing and you’ve extended cosplay to a new sense

3. Tell young children that Superman isn’t real; follow up by telling them that Santa Claus isn’t real, either, but the bogeyman is

2. Attempt to hire the AZ Ghostbusters to put down the spirit of a dead, 30 year old movie franchise

1. Get the real name of anyone dressed like Batman, and murder their parents.

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